Lights on or Lights Off - Which Should You Choose?
Three cheers for finally getting it on! OK, that was a little sarcastic, even for us! However, hear us out — we really do like hearing that you’ve finally gotten the chance to get some. It can be hard to make sure that you really are getting the sex that you and your partner crave when you will still need to make sure that everything else falls in order. It’s tough, but it’s not impossible. After all, there are a lot of people on earth, and we all know where babies come from…so somebody in the world is definitely having sex.
The key question here isn’t whether or not you’re going to have sex, it’s <i>how</i> you’re going to have sex. It’s where you’re going to have sex. Let’s start on the “how” part, shall we? The rest we can assume as we go along.
One question that gets asked a lot by our readers is whether or not the leave the lights on, or turn them off. Now, at first glance this sounds like an innocent question. After all, you’re just trying to figure out whether or not you want to be able to see each other or if you just want to see shadows moving around in the dark. There’s something sexy about both viewpoints, and we wanted to make sure that we’re covering them equally.
The first viewpoint is having sex with the lights on. It’s considered a bold move, because your partner can see you, and you can see your partner. Some women find that it’s hot to be able to watch their partner, even though they might be a little shy to just bare their entire bodies. We do live in a society that demands perfection from every last person, and it can be hard on a person that feels like they don’t “measure up” properly. Thankfully, you can make sure that you will actually be covered no matter what. You just need to alter the situation to fit your mood.
Let’s take the above example and stretch it out — let’s ay that the woman doesn’t want to really be seen, but the man doesn’t mind showing off for his girlfriend. Does it mean trouble in paradise because one wants something the other person completely doesn’t want? Absolutely not! Remember that sex is not necessarily about equality — it’s about what feels good. That means that there doesn’t have to be a tit for tat type of situation if you don’t want there to be. You can still have great sex with the lights on, even if someone covers up a little.
Moving along in this example, the woman could always cover up some of her body, or wear something that’s sheer in some places and covered up in others. This gives the woman the psychological need to be covered up, while still showing off her body to the partner.
Even if the gender roles got flipped, you could still cover up a man with a blanket or another covering. There’s nothing that says that women are the only shy people in bed. You just need to break through your own feelings on the subject and see what you both want.
Keep in mind that if you really don’t want to have sex with the lights on, you definitely don’t have to. Some people just don’t like it, even though they’re completely comfortable with their own bodies. You should never feel pressured to do anything you don’t want to do in bed, which means that you just need to back away from the subject if it bothers you — it’s just not worth ruining a relationship over!
OK, we covered the “lights on” side of the coin; now let’s cover the “lights off” side of the coin, shall we? Let’s go!
Many people find sex with the lights off very sexy. There’s something to be said about anticipation and feeling in a certain mood before you have sex, which means that the lights off sex environment is about near perfect if you share those feelings. You will not be distracted by what someone is wearing or what they’re doing; you will just need to make sure that you’re guiding each other to the right spots. In fact, this can actually be a lot sexier than sex with the lights on, because you will need to rely on each other’s sense of touch and intuition to really turn up the heat.
It’s important to make sure that you limit the number of “surprises” in a lights-off sex environment. If you’re trying to bring something new into the bedroom such as sex toys, you might find yourself locked out of the sex play for good — and who wants to deal with that? It’s better to talk things out and slowly announce new things before you just dive right in. Not all sex toys are going to be magical first time out of the gate, so it’s important to make sure that you
Communication and understanding are still very important factors, and you would do well to really sit down with your partner and work out who wants to do what. If you find that one of you wants to have sex with the lights off while the other one wants the exact opposite, you might want to come to a compromise — they can have sex with the lights on and everything a few days of the week, but when it’s your time… the darkness will be in full force, just the way you like it!
